tripping through the tulips





Why DOES Castiel look down and away when he sees a woman give Dean attention? Putting aside all “because he loves him” knee-jerk responses, what other feelings would motivate him to react like that? Because he loves Anna? Because he feels bad that he’s making Dean risk his life? I just don’t know. Destiel looks more and more canon the longer I spend on tumblr.

I actually edited the sequence of the shots in order to show the parallels; but if anything, I made the top gif look less like Destiel than the actual show. In the episode (S4 Heaven and Hell), Anna pulls Dean to her after stroking his arm and kisses him, and Castiel responds by … staring. They cut from Anna kissing Dean to Castiel’s face and it’s doing this:

Then they cut back to the kiss, and Anna pulls away and tells Dean she forgives him. It’s at this point that Castiel finally looks away.

I kept going back to this part when I first watched the episode because I couldn’t put my finger on what Cas’s expression was supposed to be. One of the big themes of “Heaven and Hell” is how angels don’t have emotions, they don’t feel; they’re marble statues, cold and distant, merciless andriods. And then suddenly Uriel shows up in Dean’s dream and tells him Castiel has this weakness, he likes Dean. Since when do angels have weak spots for people? How can Castiel like Dean if Castiel can’t feel anything? I mean, Castiel was going to follow his orders and kill Anna, and when he said he was sorry and she said, “You don’t know the feeling,” he didn’t argue with her. But he likes Dean? Dean is his weakness?

So I kept going back to Castiel’s expression when Anna kissed Dean and tried to figure out what it was. It doesn’t look like jealousy to me. It’s not anger, disgust, curiosity, or Cas doing his humans-are-strange what-are-these-interlocking-mouth-parts alien thing. It’s not sadness, if he was embarrassed he’d look away, it’s not fondness, he doesn’t look regretful until he turns away. Finally it hit me: it’s longing.

And maybe you could argue that Castiel isn’t longing to be kissing Dean or to be kissed by Anna specifically; maybe Castiel is just longing for that kind of connection, that human, physical connection of being lovers. And that makes sense, but then you are forced to consider the fact that Dean is the only person with whom Castiel has tried to form that kind of connection, the only person to whom Cas has tried to be close. 

So, yes, I literally cannot think of any explanation for Castiel’s behavior except that Castiel is in love with Dean. I didn’t even want to ship Destiel. The show made me!

●THIS ●destiel ●it's canon
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